The Bywong Soapbox

And with good reason.  I have a penchant for stating the obvious, whether they like hearing the obvious or not.

Recently, a Funeral Director from South Australia said in an open post, she found the link to my blog post, Offensive…  Well.. those ramblings in my blog are my opinions and she is allowed to read them or ignore them.  There’s no one holding a gun to anyone’s head saying, “Here! Read this!”

Another guffawed at my usage of the term ‘Funeral Industry’, probably because he isn’t aware that in the States, it is indeed proudly considered an $11 Billion dollar Industry. With Baby Boomers entering their mid 60′s, by 2020 the ‘Industry’ should grow well beyond 9%. Not a bad return on death.  The only reported downside seen from the Industry is the increase of cremations which seems to be cutting into the margins..

I’ll cite Bloomberg Business for these figures:

Reinventing the Funeral Industry

Anyway, most of my thin skinned Australian associates do find my ramblings offensive, especially if they cut close to home.

For example:  Much of the cultural angst, I believe, comes from the blatant differences in word meanings.  In the U.S., a ‘Removalist’ is a person deemed qualified to pick up and transport remains to the Funeral Home.  In Australia, a removalist, moves your house furniture.  So, it’s quite easy for a Funeral Director in Australia to get his or her noses out of joint if you refer to them in the American context.

I would say the same occurs on the context of ‘Viewings’.  Understandably, an Australian viewing is a short affair, usually privately held in the chapel before or after the service.

The ‘Viewings’ to which I refer in the American context, are the typical chapel visitations, where the decedant reposes in state anywhere from 2 to 3 days, or even longer.  Not something I have ever come across in Australia, although it’s not to say it doesn’t occur, I’ve just not seen if for myself.  Just one of those North American cultural things where you gather to sing the praises of the decedant and try your best to empathise with the family, while noting how good he or she looks in that beautiful Batesville. An affair that gives all the friends and relatives time to travel and  pay their respects to the departed and the family.

Now, the woman from SA didn’t have the foresight to mention exactly which part of my post she found offensive, elst I could reply directly to the point, but in summation, my diatribe was pointed at the cultural differences between the United States and Australia, with regards to my opinion on their comparative funeral industries.  I myself, would like to see the three day Chapel visitations become part of Australian culture.  It would, at least, make more work for Trade Embalmers.

But foremost, my post was aimed at the lack of regulation that permits unlicensed & unregulated  practitioners to conduct funerals.  From the page of www.obits.com.au with regards to the Australian Funeral Directors Association, comes the following quote:

This organisation sees the need for regulation. But they as an Association should report to a higher authority watching over all aspects of the industry.  Perhaps something similar to the Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency.  A registration agency for all in the Funeral profession.

I can recall having to sit the Illinois State Board Exams before I could begin to practice embalming or conduct a funeral.  Why not institute a similar testing program here in Australia?

Now, perhaps this South Australian Funeral Director was offended because she refuses to admit to herself there is an underlying problem with the industry here in Australia.  Perhaps Funeral Directors in South Australia are unaware of problems in the industry.  Or perhaps she was offended that someone should suggest the Government step in and regulate the Funeral industry.

In either case, there is indeed an underlying problem in the Australian Funeral Industry, which requires more than just a self regulatory body to fix the issues.  You would think a Government regulatory body would be a welcomed entity which would enable a cohesiveness and best practice methodology throughout  Australia.  I myself, would be proud to display such a certificate on the wall of my Funeral Home.

Perhaps one asks what moved me to stir the pot on this occasion?  Perhaps, there are those who would like certain news reports to quietly go away.  Perhaps it’s not just this old Trade Embalmers opinion after all…..

I refer my readers the following links to The Age, one of the Fairfax newspapers located   in the State of Victoria:

Funerals: no respect for the dead

and

Costs inflated to exploit grief: claim

and to the Courier Mail, part of Queensland Newspapers.

Cut Price Cremations

Death: The Buck Starts Here

Now… to the Funeral Director  in South Australia… Being retired from the Industry for many years (there not being much call for a Trade Embalmer in the ACT region anyway), I found these obviously horrifying pockets of the Funeral industry in Australia to be most offensive.  Perhaps you would like to lead the fight for Government regulation and help rid your industry of such dodgy practitioners.

Taking up a martial art as I enter into the latter part of my century, I’ve found myself confronted with envious admiration of Master Kim, my Haidong Gumdo instructor.  Not because he is a craftsman in his art or that he happens to hold a 4th Dan Black belt. No, I envy him in that his two sons have grown up to be such fine young men.

Here are two young lads who’ve not only embraced their father’s discipline in Haidong, but have also gotten their heads around life in general.  Although you can detect the struggle of their battles with the change of adolescence to manhood, you can also appreciate their inherent wisdom and adult mannerisms they’ve both acquired..  They are truly wise beyond their years and I can only wish them the best tidings in whatever path they both may follow. I’m sure their father is very proud of them.

All that said; sadly I feel deep remorse in that I didn’t have the opportunity to watch my own son, (who seems to have some of those same qualities as the Kim boys), pass those milestones with me.  Gone are the thoughts of camping trips, working together in the workshop, carousing & whoring and yes, perhaps even taking a martial arts course together.

With all good intentions, my kids were to be able to spend time with me here in Oz. Until, of course, their mother decided they wouldn’t travel to visit with me unless I forked over a $10,000 USD surety bond for each.  That put the thought of enlightening my children to the Australian ethos out of financial reach and trying to battle such nonsense in a US family court would have been out of the question as well.

Time marches on and I was able to see my, now all grown up, kids at my daughters wedding in September of 2010. My daughter had flowered into a beauty that I was reluctant give away to a man I had never met. How fortunate he turned out to be a seemingly decent fellow.  I recall taking this man Lindsay by the hand and clasping the other on his shoulder, asking him, “Son. What are your intentions?”

His eyes widened, a broad smile grew on his face and he replied, “Good?”

I took an instant liking to the lad and passed on my blessings.

Then, there was my son.  A tall, handsome boy, looking ever so much like a younger image of his Grandfather, Robert.  In the true tradition of our family males, he had a sweet looking bit of fluff hanging from his arm, gazing up at him in adoration..  I laughed to myself and thought, “Like father, Like son”. Sorry Megan, I hated to sound condescending, but you ARE a sweet looking bit of fluff 

My boy had grown into a fine young man and my pride welled up into a lump in my throat.  He seemed well adjusted, a bit moody, perhaps even a dark streak hidden behind those piercing eyes.  But, considering the circumstance, he seems to have turned out ok.  Albeit his mother exercised an extreme attempt to poison them both towards me.  Afraid, I suppose, that I would somehow steal them both away.  How typical…

Still, I think they see the folly in it all and I’m hoping now, that they have both reached majority, a trip downunda to see what life could have been with their old man, might be on their respective dance cards.  They both know they are always welcomed in my house, for as long as they see fit. Partners included, as I can always do with the company and conviviality.

Perhaps there’s even time for camping, a DIY project or two and a few trips to the local gin joints & wineries.  For, life goes on and it’s quality is only as good as you make it.  What better way to catch up on lost years, over an Australian sunset with the appropriate drop of local produce…